In case you can no longer express yourself in words, instead demanding cute Japanese emoticons to encapsulate inner longing and turmoil, you can sleep well knowing that the iPhone's Emoji set has been ported to iChat.

It's a free download from Einar Andersson & Tor Rauden K

Looking to capitalize on the popularity of gold investments in these tough economic times, TG-Gold-Super-Markt is installing vending machines that dispense 1g, 5g and 10g bars / gold coins at 500 locations in Germany.

A prototype "Gold-to-Go" machine in the Frankfurt Airport initially charged customers around $42 for a 1g wafer of gold and $341 for a 10g bar. The prices update every two minutes and average about 30% higher than market value for the cheapest product. So, given the premium price and extremely small quantity sizes, this really isn't much of an investment at all—more like a novelty or a unique gift idea. On the other hand, it does seem like a great target for thieves, although the company does monitor the devices with cameras and claims that the casing can withstand a dynamite blast. Still, a poor economy also means that thieves will go to greater lengths to pull off a job. [TG-Gold via Telegraph and Fox News]

Rocky doesn't need anyone to hold his feet for situps. Nor do Apollo Creed or Clubber Lang. Not to be racially insensitive, but are Apollo and Clubber's USB connectors slightly larger?

Apollo's enjoying himself a bit too much, and T is very, very angry someone's making him exercise. The fools-per-minute coming out of him would probably be astronomical. [Geekstuff4u via Nerd Approved]

This refreshingly mechanical hand-made robot automaton can be hand-cranked to close its fists, drop its chest plate and unleash a hellfire of rubber bands onto its victims.

As exciting as all this devastation may sound, the video clip is ultimately more amusing than frightening, as a man cranks cranks cranks cranks cranks and the automaton moves forward a tiny bit. Then the man cranks cranks cranks some more and the automaton very slowly reveals its arsenal of wooden Gatling guns.

Sadly, flash compression has spoiled any hope of appreciating the slow-mo rubber band bullet porn as you can't make out the slim bands in the pixel murk. So instead, you'll have to fill in the "pew pew pews" mentally—in other words, it's business as usual. [The Automota via MAKE]

If you're picking up a 3GS and like to buy a warranty, Apple will extend coverage to two years for $69. It's good for if/when the phone spontaneously combusts without human intervention. But what about just dropping the thing?

SquareTrade warranties state that should you break your iPhone just because you're an idiot, they'll replace your iPhone with a brand new model. Their prices, below, are reported to be lower than Best Buy's by a good margin:

Current Promotional Rate/Regular Rate:
8gb 3G model: $76.80 / $96 (TOTAL for 2 years)
16gb 3G S: $96 / $120 (TOTAL for 2 years)
32gb 3G S: $120 / $144 (TOTAL for 2 years)

Knock on wood, but the iPhone 3G build has proven to be a pretty sturdy design. I've sat on the thing, dropped it more than once and basically treated it like crap, and the thing still works well. On the same token, I know someone (*cough* Andi Wang *cough*) who drops her cellphone down the stairs on a daily basis.

So she should probably consider this deal from SquareTrade, as well as moving into a ranch-style home. I'm going to take my chances. [SquareTrade]

Oh the genius! Just when I thought George Lucas' merchandise machinery couldn't surprise me anymore, it didn't surprise me again. But at least these 6 x 12 x 7.5-inch hand painted Trash Compactor Bookends made me smile:

There goes another $190 for Uncle George. [Star Wars Shop via The Awesomer]

In honor of summer and men who procreate everywhere, Meijer is offering a $100 Blu-ray player through July 31st. Of course, it's from the not-so-celebrated Curtis Mathes brand.

But it supports 1080p playback over HDMI 1.3, optical audio and ethernet.

Perusing user comments on Amazon, the big complaints seem to be load times (which you should expect to crawl), lack of solid BD-R support and poor standard DVD playback quality. If you can tolerate burdening your father—the seed who brought you into the world—with such technological inconveniences, it just might be worth a shot for $100.

Add coupon code "DOTMJR09" and get free shipping. [Meijer via Dealnews]

For this week's Photoshop, I want you to design some video games as if they were made in a time before video games existed. That's a big windows of time, so get creative with it!

Send in your best efforts to me at contests@gizmodo.com with Ancient Video Games in the subject line. Name your files with a FirstnameLastname.jpg naming convention using whatever name you want to be credited with and save your files as JPGs, PNGs or GIFs. Send everything in by next Tuesday morning and then I'll pick my top three winners and show off the rest of the best in the Gallery of Champions. Get to it!

AT&T's contribution to the improved overall speed of the iPhone 3GS—their upgraded 7.2Mbps network—is nearly as important as Apple's. But 7.2 is just a number, and AT&T's network is just one of many. Here's where it actually stands.

First, a direct translation: AT&T's upgraded (or more accurately, upgrading) 3G network claims data download rates of 7.2 megabits per second, not the more familiar 7.2 megabytes. The unit conversion rate, unfortunately, isn't favorable, leaving AT&T's impressive-sounding 7.2 megabits somewhere closer to .9 megabytes, or about 900 kilobytes per second—like decent home broadband.

But it gets worse. That 7.2Mbps is theoretical, and due to technical overhead, network business, device speed and overzealous marketing, real world speeds are significantly lower. As you can see on our chart above, our tested speeds for everything from EV-DO Rev. A to WiMax ran at anywhere from one half to one sixth their potential speed. Accordingly, Jason found AT&T's network to run at about 1.6Mbps with the iPhone 3G S—about a third faster than with the 3G, though he was probably still connecting at 3.6Mbps rates, since the 7.2 rollout won't be complete until 2011, according to AT&T.

AT&T-style HSDPA is expected to reach out to an eventual theoretical speed of 14Mbps, which will undoubtedly make the current 3G networks feel slow, but won't necessarily blow them out of the water. That's the thing: the iPhone, and indeed just about all high-end handsets on the market today, operate at speeds that are reasonably close to the limits of 3G technology. In a funny sort of way, the iPhone 3GS is already a bit out of date.

So what's next? And what the hell are those really long green bars up there? Those are the so-called 4G (fourth generation) wireless technologies. Americans can ignore HSPA+ and EV-DO Rev B. for the most part, and given that they're the slowest of the next-gen bunch, shouldn't feel too bad. And anyway, as Matt explained, WiMax and LTE are what's next for us.

Both Verizon and AT&T are within a couple of years of deploying LTE in their networks, and WiMax is already out there in some cities. Our own WiMax tests on Clearwire's network peaked at an astounding 12Mbps—nearly eight times faster than the iPhone 3GS on AT&T. And even if WiMax is shaping up to be more of a general broadband protocol than a cellular one, this is the kind of thing that'll be in your phones in a few years, and the promises are mind-boggling: earlier this year, Verizon's LTE were breaking 60Mbps.

So in short, your brand-new, "S"-for-speed iPhone is pretty speedy—as long as you only look to the past.

Why are these people waiting in line for the iPhone 3GS? It's the same iPhone but faster, there will be plenty available in stores everywhere, and you won't be any cooler for having it now because nobody will notice.

Same old design, plenty of availability, and of course the fact that most iPhone 3G users are not eligible for the reduced-price upgrade. All those are the facts that can explain why the lines are minuscule compared to the 2007 iPhone launch craze or when the iPhone 3G was released.

Or it may just be that people don't give a damn about these things anymore. [Images via Engadget, BGR, and The iLife]