Dilemma: You want to look sexy but not too sexy—and certainly not all the time. You're busy and have errands to run, and you can't have post office employees rubbing up in your junk like pups in heat.

So do what we do: Don't workout. Eat terribly. And only copulate with partners who promise to either ignore Cheetos-induced stretch marks or allow you to wear your RIPT FUSION t-shirt in a jacuzzi.

What's a RIPT FUSION shirt? Well it's "a classic men's undershirt injected with steroids," of course. For just $58, it'll add pecs and abs all while sucking in the flabby parts. But even more critical to society, it'll put geeks on the same playing field as jocks, the lazy on the same playing field as the obnoxiously active.

Even if the Ript Fusion is too gimmicky to make you look good, it could eventually make muscles look bad. And in the long run, that's really just as beneficial. [RIPT via Super Punch]

The iTunes icon is old and busted. I mean, didn't iPods kill CDs or something? And like, 7 million of the 8 million things iTunes does have nothing to do with tunes. So let's make a new icon!

Send your best design of a new icon that really represents iTunes to me at contests@gizmodo.com with "iTunes icon" in the subject line by next Tuesday morning. Save your entries as JPGs, PNGs or GIFs and use a FirstnameLastname.jpg naming convention using whatever name you want to be credited with. On Tuesday, I'll pick the three best/most awful entries as our winners and post the rest of the best in the Gallery of Champions. Get cracking, in case something comes along and slays the iPod.

This is the NZXT Sentry 2 fan controller. It installs into any 5.25-inch bay, and you can use its touch screen interface to set the speed of up to five fans. Note: Leather pants are not included. [NZXT via BBG]

Behold, the power of bad press! Verizon is now set to offer pre-orders of the upcoming BlackBerry Tour to existing customers in the very near future.

While yesterday had Verizon reps telling us that the Tour would only be available to new customers or Verizon customers at the end of their contracts, the site has since been updated:

Existing customers will be able to upgrade or purchase the BlackBerry Tour on this site very soon. Please check back with us tomorrow.

There we go, that makes a lot more sense. [Verizon via Boy Genius Report]

Advertising firm McCann Erickson has won a lucrative advertising contract with Microsoft, beating out CrispiBLAH BLAH BLAH the point is, people—Zune advertising people—are now talking on record about Microsoft's "Pink" project, and gearing up to promote it.

From Adweek:

The Office shift follows a pitch for a new Microsoft mobile offering won by McCann's T.A.G. unit, said sources. JWT, McCann and fellow roster shop Crispin, Porter + Bogusky competed for that assignment, for which the client used the code-name Pink.

It's a nice confirmation of previous rumors that Microsoft was shopping the project around, and that's about the end of the new information. But a quick trip to the McCann T.A.G. site reveals a portfolio that contains three videos for the Zune, including two ads and a trade reel. Zune? Pink? Zunephone! Pinkphone! Pink Zune! Pink Zune phone! And so on.

Now, these ads are nestled among a fair number of Xbox promotional materials, so it's clear that this is one of Microsoft's go-to teams for advertising in general. But hell, since we still haven't seen any kind of confirmation that the Pink phone's alleged specs and Windows Mobile 7 rumors are real, that Pink is a hardware device, or that the project even still exists, we'll take what we can get. [Adweek via Slashgear]

While prepping for our nation's independence, we came across this excellent explanation as to how most basic fireworks function. The clip takes about a minute of your time and will imbue you with impressive knowledge for this July 4th. [HowStuffWorks]

When our broadcasts leave Earth, they slowly travel into space. There is, however, a sizable delay between what we watch and what distant aliens watch. This convenient chart shows us what TV various stars are receiving today. [AbstruseGoose via TDW]

The Enigma Battleship Drinking Game—a classic Battleship game that makes you drink a shot of your favorite alcohol every time you take a hit—is the last thing I need now, while I'm back visiting friends in Madrid.

And still, I want it so badly. It was designed by the genius of Mauricio (Tony) Harion, from Belo Horizonte, Brazil. A place that I hope to visit soon, just to play it this game with this man, who I'm sure will be a future Nobel Prize. Hasbro, come on, get your act together and license this ASAP. And with ASAP I mean right now. [Coroflot]

I thought this was some kind of bird hunting device sitting on top of a massive forest. In reality it may be your next vacation destination. And you will need the largest thermal airship to get it up there.

This is a canopy raft, an enormous set of nets held together with inflatable tubes that act as an structural frame. It can be placed on top of forests so people can camp, accessing the ground below using a hole and ropes. Apparently, the are so light that the trees don't get harmed at all.

To place them on top of the trees they need a ship capable of handling such a large volume. In this case, they use the AS-300, the world's largest thermal airship. [Gilles Ebersolt via Deputy Dog]

Ducks, don't try to use escalators, ok? And humans, follow the same advice. Except you, you sexy spinning escalator girl you. You can use the escalator at any time. [Dark Roasted Blend—Thanks Daffy]